Every year on NBA All-Star weekend, we at 90min take the opportunity to join in with the festivities and have a little bit of fun ourselves.
An all-star game in football would be a logistical nightmare, but it’s still exciting to plot out what one may look like.
Last year, Sean Walsh and Jack Gallagher picked their teams in a draft format in line with the NBA’s playground style. Thankfully, the NBA has reverted to traditional old east-vs-west regime and ensured such detailed and tactical planning won’t be needed this time around.
East against west doesn’t make much sense in the context of the Premier League, so we’ve gone with north – managed by Jack of Derry – versus south – picked by Sean of London.
Premier League North All-Stars
GK: Emi Martinez (Aston Villa)
The Aston Villa and Argentina goalkeeper’s iconic save to deny Randal Kolo Muani in the last minute of the 2022 FIFA World Cup final is enough of a reason for Emi Martinez to be in this team even regardless of what’s gone down this season.
RB: Diogo Dalot (Man Utd)
Trent Alexander-Arnold is the best right-back around, but I need my three Liverpool players elsewhere in this team. In TAA’s stead is Diogo Dalot, a personal favourite of mine and a full-back who seems to be improving with each passing week.
CB: Virgil van Dijk (Liverpool)
It took a while for him to get back up to speed after his ACL injury, but boy oh boy is he back up to speed now. The towering centre half has been fantastic this season and will be the leader at the heart of my defence.
CB: Sven Botman (Newcastle)
Another Dutch centre-back, and another pretty damn brilliant one at that. Sven Botman has been a game-changing player for Newcastle since his rocked up on Tyneside in 2022.
LB: Luke Shaw (Man Utd)
When Luke Shaw is fit, Man Utd look like a half-decent football team. When he’s not fit, Man Utd aren’t so half-decent (they’re quite bad). That’s the impact that Shaw can have, and it’s one I expect him to have on my team too (or else).
CM: Kevin De Bruyne (Man City)
The best footballer in the Premier League, of course Kevin De Bruyne is in this XI, regardless of his injury this season. He’s an all-time great midfielder.
CM: Rodri (Man City)
Speaking of all-time great Premier League midfielders, after last season Rodri is probably in that bracket too. He’ll provide this team with real defensive prowess in the middle of the park
CM: John McGinn (Aston Villa)
The chips-fuelled engine in my midfield. John McGinn will be the legs and also provide some quality in the final third too.
RW: Mohamed Salah (Liverpool)
One of the many, many game-winners in this team, Mohamed Salah’s remarkable goal record of 204 goals in 332 appearances at Liverpool is proof of his legendary efficiency in the final third.
CF: Erling Haaland (Man City)
Erling Haaland is the best number in the world, never mind in the north of England. He’s a goalscoring machine, and his partnership with KDB will benefit this team greatly.
LW: Darwin Nunez (Liverpool)
McGinn is the runner in midfield, Darwin Nunez is my runner in attack. The striker misses a boatload of chances, sure, but I don’t need another goal threat up front really, I need an agent of chaos and an agent of craic, especially in an all-star game. Nunez ticks both those boxes.
Premier League South All-Stars
GK: Guglielmo Vicario (Tottenham)
At this rate, Guglielmo Vicario is going to end the season with a PFA Team of the Year honour to his name. There are a few Tottenham players who at least deserve a shout of being in this all-star side, but the Italian’s inclusion is inarguable.
RB: Pedro Porro (Tottenham)
Ooh, the Tottenham reporter has taken two Tottenham players out of two so far. That’s why the FPL rule is in place – Sean would pick about five if he could.
Pedro Porro, with his mentality that he could conquer a prison if placed in one (his words, not mine), takes the right-back spot.
CB: William Saliba (Arsenal)
That pesky club limit means I’m only going to take one of Arsenal’s monstrous centre-backs. William Saliba just about edges out Gabriel Magalhaes.
CB: Lewis Dunk (Brighton & Hove Albion)
Filling this second centre-back slot was hard. The urge to use another Arsenal or Tottenham pick was strong, but I managed to resist temptation.
If Crystal Palace were just a smidge more competent, then Marc Guehi would be here. If Brentford looked like they did last season, then Ethan Pinnock would be here. Well done to Brighton’s Lewis Dunk for being decidedly decent.
LB: Emerson Palmieri (West Ham)
OK, if everyone could forget West Ham’s mauling by Arsenal last week, that’d be great.
Emerson Palmieri’s been really good this season. He’s been solid for a few years now, really. An understated performer getting his theoretical all-star flowers.
CM: Declan Rice (Arsenal)
Everyone knew Declan Rice would be a success at Arsenal, that he’d be an instant hit and a new engine for their midfield. He’s a superstar midfielder who has everything, he deserves his spot in this team.
CM: Conor Gallagher (Chelsea)
Usually I wouldn’t feel like rewarding Chelsea for spending a billion quid and only just squeezing into the top half, but that would be a little harsh on the players who have actually tried to carry them through the mud this season.
Conor Gallagher, you deserve better. Here’s an all-star spot for your troubles.
RM: Bukayo Saka (Arsenal)
Bukayo Saka is world class. Don’t listen to anyone who says otherwise.
AM: Cole Palmer (Chelsea)
The shining light in Chelsea’s season. The only player with a sense of ingenuity. The one who makes everything tick.
Welcome to the team, Cole Palmer.
LM: Son Heung-min (Tottenham)
Undergoing surgery on long-standing problems seems to have solved a lot of Tottenham’s problems this season.
Everyone can see how free Richarlison looks after pelvic surgery, while Son Heung-min’s hernia issue is certainly of the past. Let’s see some screamers from 25 yards in this game, lad.
CF: Ivan Toney (Brentford)
If Jack gets one pick of a player who’s barely played all season, then so do I. And I’m using it on Ivan Toney.
Commiserations to Dominic Solanke, who was the pick in my head all week until the last moment. Maybe next year.
